Tasking Loved Ones With Duties They Can't Assume.

I'm going to be very transparent during this post. Our emotions dictate how we feel from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. Our desire to be happy so often rely on our loved ones, friends and associates. The time they spend with us, the words they say, their actions or lack there of can cause our emotions to fluctuate like a thermometer being thrown through a time warp, and being exposed to different seasons in a matter of moments.

On a day to day basis my happiness seems to depend so much on my interaction with my wife and daughters.  If there is an argument, a heated discussion, or an issue that is upsetting to anyone of them it often changes the dynamics of my emotions. I'm no longer as focused. My mind gets directed towards their issue.  Some days can seem like I'm hitch hiking for a ride to world a man can understand. There is not another male in the house besides my dog. Times can seem rough for a brother. Me and the dog feel so neutered. LOL

So many times I ask my spouse "How was your day ?". In response I get a pretty detailed run down of how her day went. I'm pretty consistent about inquiring because I care, and I believe asking shows that I'm interested. Too often I think to myself how come she doesn't ask about my day. Then my mind goes in to a tail spin thinking she must not give a damn about my day. This is probably the furthest thing from the truth, however my need to be recognized causes this sense of insecurity. My wife works consistently, often long hours without a day off. The requirements of being a wife, mother, and professional cook can be very demanding to say the least.

My daughters are growing up to be beautiful young ladies and spending time with mom and dad is no longer the coolest thing in the world. Their smart devices friends, and BOYS have become their focus. An invite from me to go to the movies garners a response similar to asking them if they would like to mow the grass with me. Well that's my interpretation.

The gratitude, attention and affection my emotions desire are left unanswered like when someone is left on hold on the phone. My memory consistently records and is full of the "I need this", "Go get this", "Stop by the store and pick up this", "can I have money for this", "you didn't do this","we need to get this done", "you never do this", "you always do this", You never remember this" messages and requests. On the other hand my emotional bank account seems to be empty on many other things.

It suddenly occurred to me one day that I was placing too much responsibility on my family to make me happy. They change, develop and have high points and low points just like anyone else. They are not the sentries standing post responsible for my welfare and morale, or tasked with the daily mission of maintaining my sanity and happiness. That's my duty. I don't like it when people do it to me, so why should I hold that perspective in my mind.



Too often we tasks those in our life with the responsibility of making us happy. What a huge frigging responsibility ! I surely wouldn't want anyone to task me with that duty.

I've resolved to putting tasks on my daily schedule that make me happy. These are often activities that don't require anyone but me. Sometimes it going for a run and listening to the finest old school hip hop music. Other times it's going to the range and shooting. On some occasions it's just zoning out on Netflix and watching a few episodes of House Of Cards. An early 20 minute workout swim in the pool or relaxing with a book is always a plus. Nothing tops chilling at a local tap house enjoying a great burger and a draft IPA beer.

When I intentionally take responsibility for my happiness my happiness shows up so much more often then when I unintentionally/ indiscriminately leave it up to others.

I'm sure I'm an important part of my wife's and daughters life, but my happiness is not their mission although they may make efforts to contribute to it. My happiness is my responsibility, and working towards it is not often easy. It's a daily job.

The life we want, the level of achievement and happiness we desire cannot be attained depending on those we already know or the things we've already accomplished. Going outside of your comfort zone is often a requirement for happiness.

On July 30th me and about 6 friends are going skydiving in Virginia. YES !!   I can't wait. Going on such an adventure is happiness to me. I'm taking charge of my happiness like it's a full time job.



How are you taking responsibility for your happiness ?


How has depending on others to make you happy impacted your life ?


Are you willing to be considered selfish or face other criticism because you are embarking on ventures to be happy ?