25 years ! 25 years
of emotional abuse. 25 years of physical abuse. 25 years of living with fear.
25 years of living in a cage without bars.
For the last 25 years my friend has been in an abusive marriage.
Throughout her marriage she has been punched, pushed, shoved, bruised, beaten, and
threatened repeatedly by her husband.
Imagine being in a life-long contractual agreement that
bonds your heart, emotions, body, soul, children, time, and dreams with someone
who strikes fear in you through bodily harm, emotional damage, and continuous
embarrassment. This was my friend’s marriage.
On the outside many people would never believe this beautiful family
specialist, with a master’s degree is the subject of the same abuse she tries
to rescue her client’s from. Imagine the
moments of embarrassment, self-questioning, and hypocrisy she deals with as she
listens to her clients describe their nightmares that sound just like hers. From President Clinton to President Obama,
from cassette tapes, to CD to IPODs, from tube televisions to flat screens, from Michael
Jordan and the Bulls winning the championship to Usain Bolt breaking the world record in track, from the first Iraq war to
Afghanistan, from 9/11 to Hurricane Katrina …through all those changes
in technology, news events, and sports highlights my friend was being
abused by her husband.
My friend received the blows and impact of the assaults but
the pain and trauma was disbursed throughout the home and to others. Her three sons observed it all. Male children
exposed to severe domestic abuse are indirectly taught that they are powerless
at defending the most important female in their life. They are indirectly
instructed to stand by and remain neutral while their abused parent is
suffering, hurting, and pleading for assistance. Overtime these young men may
believe the best way to impose their will on others especially women is through
physical force. When you take a wide lens view of my friends situation you realize you
have 4 victims instead of just one.
Day
after day, month after month, year after year my friend desperately wanted to
escape not only for herself but for her sons.
Over the many years of taking punches, covering her bruises
with make-up, hiding her fear and pain to family and friends, and trying
desperately to hide her pain to her sons and grandchildren my friend has maintained
hope. On many occasions she stated she would leave but never did successfully.
A tipping point occurred in my friends life and on the first Wednesday
of July 2015 she moved out of her home, left her husband of 25 years and got a
place of her own. Yes, she feared her
husband would retaliate. Yes, her heart would miss the good things about her
abusive husband of 25 years. Yes, she
would miss her beautiful house she helped decorate. Yes, people unaware of her
years of pain would be curious as to why she left her husband of 20 plus years.
Despite these things she left. She left the comfort zone of an uncomfortable
life where she knew how things would play out to pursue an independent life of
potential freedom and happiness where she’s not sure how things will unfold.
Your success zone requires you to step out of your current
comfort zone. Making a move to your success zone requires you to focus more on
your WHY and less on your fears, potential speed bumps, road blocks, and pot
holes on your journey.
My friend is scared, unsure of how everything will play out, and still emotionally tied to the life she had. However, she is on her way to the
life she has dreamed about.
Be on your way. Be
more afraid of staying than moving forward.
Don’t find a way to stay. Find a way to move forward to your
freedom and happiness. You were born to pursue your purpose in life and be
happy, not to be punished for existing.
To every person suffering in an abusive relationship please
draw strength from my friend's story, and know that hope is alive.
Don’t find an excuse. Find a way to claim the life you were
born to have.
